Family problems

Please bare with me...After today's events, I need an outlet to vent and I need to explain why I am so upset with my family; specifically my mom and sister.

To really give you the details, I have to start back when I was little.  I was probably around 5.  My brother was a year and a half old.  My mom's brother had just passed away in a car accident.  He was driving drunk and ran a stop sign, and was broad sided by a semi truck.  I don't remember him, or much of anything from then.  I know that shortly after that, my cousin, who is 5 months older than my brother, came to live with us.  We referred to her as my sister from that point forward, because that's what it was like.  My parents raised her from that point on.  When she was 18, she decided she didn't want to live by their rules and left.  She hurt my mom quite a bit, as she went to her biological mother and shunned my parents for awhile.  She came back after becoming pregnant and realizing her biological mother was just using her for the money her dad had left her.  She's never learned responsibility or been held accountable, because my mom has given her whatever she wanted.  I understand she felt bad for her situation, but she spoiled her way too much.  As kids, my mom always took her side, regardless of the situation.

When my nephew was born, his dad was not a good parent.  Him and my sister didn't stay together, he became abusive, and was arrested a couple of times.  He's better now than he was, but still not a good role model.  My dad was the only real male influence my nephew had.  He spent countless hours with him in the garage, outdoors, doing everything together.  My dad taught him to mow, shoot guns, shoot a bow and arrow, work on cars, anything you can think of.  My dad was a real handyman type, and wherever he was, my nephew was sure to be there.  When my dad passed away, my nephew was devastated.  He had just turned 14 the month before.  At first, he continued helping my mom with things, and he was quite helpful.  Earlier this fall, my brother had been up from Texas, where he lives.  He bough my nephew a shotgun, because at the time he was being responsible.  It was kept at my mom's house, as my sister has no FOID card and it isn't legal for them to have a gun at the house.  My brother took him hunting, and my nephew shot a turkey with a bow, and a deer with a shotgun.  However, he recently started causing problems.  He was tearing things up, making messes in my dad's garage, and not doing anything to help out anymore.  He slowly starting developing an attitude.  He started getting in trouble at school, even getting suspended.  He wasn't being punished by his mom.  She even let him go hunting on days he was suspended from school, rather than do schoolwork or anything else that would teach him that there were consequences for his actions.

My sister got married to a different guy awhile back.  They had a child together shortly after that, my niece.  They separated earlier this year, shortly after my dad passed away.  They are still legally married, but my sister has apparently been seeing some other guy.  She does not receive any kind of financial support from either of the kids' fathers, and apparently can't afford an attorney to help in divorce proceedings. Also, she recently moved.  She was in a home that she had bought a long time ago.  I don't know all the details, but due to late and missed payments, she owes much more on the house than it's worth.  She basically left the house and moved into a rental.  I have no idea what the cause was, or how she felt this would help in any way.  My mom had to pay her rent in October and November.  My mom, who is on a budget, and doesn't make a lot of money since my dad passed away, paid rent for 2 months for my sister, who makes more money than even I do.  Granted, she has 2 kids, but she also doesn't have a car payment or pay for car insurance, as the car she drives is provided to her by her employer.  She has expensive taste and no understanding of the term budget or savings.

My mom called me the Tuesday night before Christmas.  She was crying hysterically.  I could barely understand her.  I finally got the details from her about what was upsetting her.  My nephew had been tearing around on the 4-wheeler.  He also lost the hitch on it.  The hitch is important because it is needed to haul the trailer behind the 4-wheeler.  The trailer is needed to haul wood from the woodpile up to the house for the fireplace, which is used to heat the house.  She said she wants help talking to my sister about boundaries and budgeting, all after Christmas.  Also, she wanted to lock up my dad's garage so that my nephew couldn't get in and make a mess or trash things.  I agreed to help after getting through Christmas.  As angry as I was about my sister taking advantage of my mom and using the kids to guilt trip her into paying the rent and being at her beck and call to babysit, I was determined to be civil today (Christmas).

My brother posted this morning that he was planning on finding a job back here and moving with his family back to Illinois.  My sister kept talking bad about him, so I made sure to let him know what was going on.  He and I messaged back and forth a few times.  The subject of my nephew buying a gun from my cousin came up.  I let my brother know, as he's concerned about my nephew getting into more trouble, and he thinks that having a gun will only make things worse at this point.  My brother started texting my sister, threatening to turn them in I guess.  While I think this was definitely over the top and unnecessary, I understand that he was TRYING to help.  My sister then turned on me and blamed me for it all.  Ok, whatever, I have thick skin.  I tried explaining that by the letter of the law, yes, it's an illegal transaction.  She told me I should stay out of it and mind my own business.  I was starting to get worked up at this point.  Eventually, my mom took my sister's side (as usual) and I was deemed the bad guy.  I don't know, maybe I am.  But my nephew is not responsible enough for a gun at this point.  My brother is planning on taking back the one he gave him.

Apparently while duck hunting with a friend, the friend's parents have been taking them out, leaving them alone, and then picking them up when they're done.  This is illegal, as here in our state, you must be 18 and have the lovely FOID card to legally possess a long gun (rifle/shotgun).  My brother is concerned about the possible consequences if my nephew is caught, and rightfully so.  Again, to me it comes down to responsibility and discipline, of which he is showing neither.

More to the point, my mom really upset me.  After all her complaining about my sister and my nephew, how badly they're treating her, and how she needs help setting boundaries for them, she takes their side today in a situation that I feel I was not wrong about.  So I'm done.  They can sort out their own issues, and if she goes broke bailing my sister out of every financial problem she get into, so be it.  I can't do anything about it and all it's doing is stressing me out.  I have my own things to deal with, and better use for my time than dealing with this mess.

Does this make me a bad person?  Maybe.  It wouldn't be the first time I was accused of that.  But as I slowly get older, I realize I need to look out for my best interests, and at this point, if that means writing off my family for the time being, so be it.

Please feel free to comment and be honest.  Tell me how bad I am, how wrong I was, what I could have done differently.  It's not easy as although I've tried to include plenty of details, without being there and living through this whole situation through the years, it's hard for you to know just what I've gone through and dealt with.  But I still welcome your criticism, and accept it.


Edit for those of you who saw my twitter earlier:


Yes, my sister gave me a boring little book for Christmas.  It was last minute and she didn't even bother to wrap it.  It's just another example of her lack of caring/planning and laziness. It adds fuel to the fire.